The Power of Sensitivity and Boundary-Setting as a Sensitive

You or someone you know may have been told that you were “too sensitive” growing up, or even now. What made you sensitive? Were your feelings hurt easily? Were you introverted and had a hard time engaging with large groups of people? Did you feel the emotions of others deeply, overwhelming you? Did your own emotions overwhelm you? Well believe it or not, there is power in these experiences.

I myself have always been sensitive, and all of the above applied, and applies, to me. As challenging as it can be to be sensitive, it’s very much a gift. For me, it started with my sensitivity to environments and their energy, including the energy of people. Some call this “shyness.” Sometimes it can be, but not always. Sensitivity is feeling on a deeper level.

Being able to feel the energy of people and places provides you with much needed information. Whether a person or place is a negative or positive environment. Whether someone is being authentic, malicious, truthful, or deceiving. You listen to the tones of voices deeper. You hear what’s not being said, which is sometimes more important than the literal words a person speaks.

Being a sensitive also allows you to feel your own emotions deeper. What feels right in your body, and what doesn’t.

Growing up, my mother was very moody. It was very easy to sense what she was feeling when I was younger. It wasn’t always what she said to us as kids, but how she said it that let me know whether I should tread lightly or if she was having a good day and that the coast was clear.

Sensitivity tells you how someone feels and also gives you the ability to relate more closely with them. This is similar to empathy, where you put yourself in the position of another person to understand them better.

Some people refer to sensitivity as “a blessing and a curse” because sensitive people are sometimes thought of as doormats with a lack of boundaries and dumped on by those who feel the sensitive person doesn’t have any. Many sensitives are taken advantage of because they are unsure of how to assert themselves, and this is why they feel “cursed” with the gift of sensitivity. This is why boundaries are of the utmost importance as a sensitive.

How Do I Set Boundaries as a Sensitive?

It can be hard to set boundaries when you’re sensitive. You fear hurting others’ feelings, or maybe you didn’t learn how to firmly communicate them. Listed below are a few ways to set boundaries when you’re struggling to:

· Practice setting boundaries energetically

Yes. This is a thing. We are immersed in a world of constantly-moving energy, and you can use yours to communicate. Fortunately, I was gifted with RBF (Resting Bit Face), and it’s helped me communicate my boundaries energetically throughout most of my life. When people see on your face that you don’t have time for the shenanigans, a lot of times they won’t bother you or they’ll know to keep it short and tread lightly. If you also possess RBF, USE IT! People will get the message—you’re not to be messed with or bothered. They’ll at least know to keep things light to avoid overbearing you.

· Keep it Short, Stupid

I’m not really calling y’all stupid of course. Just a figure of speech! They say takers don’t have a sense of limits, that they’ll continue to take as much as they can. They certainly will with your abundance of energy if you allow them.

 

This boundary-setting method is specific for those who look to drain you with low-energy behaviors like talking too much or gossiping. Don’t feed into it too much if you don’t have the space. As sensitives, we never want to outright be rude or dismissive, but we don’t always have the space for so much engaging. Keep responses short and walk away if possible. The same applies for phone calls. Find a reason to let them go and get back to them later. You can always change the subject as well. Making it not-so-obvious is an art and takes practice.

     

· Distance Yourself

Sometimes space is needed between you and a person or situation. This is not encouraging avoidance, but to take the time you need to process and reflect. Come back when you’re ready.

     

·  Prepare, Practice, and Be Ready to Verbalize

While it’s easier (sometimes) to assert boundaries energetically instead of speaking up, it is necessary to be able to use your words to communicate. Even as a sensitive, it is very possible for us assert our boundaries with conversation, as hard as it can be. It’s ok to process before doing so. Practice with yourself or a friend. Practice in the mirror. It doesn’t have to be perfect the first or one-hundredth time. You just need to keep practicing as much as you need to. And practice makes perfect!

 

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