How to Find Your Beauty When Society Made You Feel Ugly

Growing up, people said I looked like a man. If I didn’t receive this harsh criticism in person, I’d hear it through the grapevine in the school hallways.

I was (kinda still am) very hairy. What was most obvious was the hair on my upper lip. I’d have kids straight-up ask me, “Why you got a mustache?” Yep—with such audacity!

I was the “ugly” friend—the one that didn’t get much attention in my friend groups. This messed with my self-esteem for years. I started to believe that I wasn’t attractive. Men barely approached me. It got to a point where I’d look in the mirror and just about shudder at my reflection.

I had to do serious inner work to reclaim my personal beauty, which began to shine from the inside-out. I had to KNOW that I was beautiful before relying on the validation of anyone else. I had to realize that part of the reason I didn’t get the attention that many women do is because I didn’t truly want it. Why? Because I didn’t feel attractive enough.

If you've ever felt "ugly" because you don’t fit society’s definition of beauty, know that you’re not alone. But also know that you have the power to reclaim your beauty, redefine what it means to be beautiful, and be confident in it!

Let me tell you how:

1. Healing the Trauma of Your Self-Concept: The Inner Journey

The journey to feeling beautiful starts with inner healing. When we are healed from past experiences—whether they involved bullying, shaming, or other trauma—we can reclaim our beauty. What others may say and think about how you appear will be irrelevant because you’ve done the work to realize that their opinions don’t matter and never mattered. YOU KNOW you’re beautiful, despite what anyone thinks.

Here are some-reflection practices to start healing the root of negative self-concepts:

• Journal your past experiences. Write down the moments that shaped your view of yourself. When did you first feel "ugly"? Who made you feel that way?

• Challenge those beliefs. If someone once told you that a certain feature made you unattractive, ask yourself: Was that true, or just their opinion?

• Speak your truth out loud. I personally talk to myself or pray, asking for clarity on what needs to shift in my mindset.

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Once you bring these feelings to light, you can begin to release them and make space for your beautiful self to shine!

2. Reclaiming Your Beauty

True beauty isn’t found through external validation—it’s something you cultivate within. Yes, the old sage says, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but you must see your own beauty before waiting for someone else to see it. When we start looking at ourselves through the lens of self-love and acceptance, we begin to see the beauty that’s always been there.

Here’s how you can start seeing yourself differently:

• Shift the focus inward. Instead of waiting for others to confirm your beauty, ask yourself: How can I start liking what I see? What do I already appreciate about myself?

• Change the language you use about yourself. Words are powerful. Saying “I’m ugly” reinforces that belief. Saying “I’m unique, and that makes me stand out” reshapes your perspective.

• Own your features. If you’ve been conditioned to dislike certain things about yourself, stop hiding them. Instead of seeing them as flaws, see them as what makes you distinct.

Do you believe that those people that said certain features about yourself weren’t attractive? Work to accept them for what they are until you can change them. Even better is accepting what they are and letting them be what they are, knowing you’re beautiful regardless.

This goes into the next point:

3. Redefining Beauty on Your Own Terms

It's time to let go of the cookie-cutter definitions of beauty society tries to sell us. In the hot-and-ready social media world of today, this is typically the Instagram models with the BBL’s, long hair, big breasts, etc. But you must remember that we’re all uniquely made and not made to be anyone but ourselves.

You are allowed to define beauty on your own terms. Maybe it’s the confidence you exude when you walk into a room. Maybe it’s the kindness you show to others. It can be the unique way you style and color your hair. Your out-there style of dressing, and more. Your beauty is unique to you, and it’s not confined to a specific look or shape.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself:

• What makes me feel attractive? Is it the way I carry myself? The way I dress? The way I speak?

• What do I admire in others that isn’t ‘mainstream beautiful’? Often, the most captivating people aren’t the ones who fit the mold, but the ones who own their uniqueness.

I recently came across an Instagram profile of a popular married couple. The wife literally has six bottom teeth. Let me tell you—she’s extremely confident and her beauty radiates from the inside-out. And her man is IN LOVE with her. This proves that the idea of beauty truly starts with you. Not what anyone else says it is.

4. Conclusion: Embrace Your Uniqueness

The world may have told you that you're not beautiful, and that’s simply not true.

Once you’ve done the inner reflection work, it’s time to walk to the walk! Here’s how:

• Adjust your posture. Confident people stand tall. How you carry yourself changes how people perceive you—and how you perceive yourself.

• Wear what makes you feel good. Forget trends. What do YOU love? Rock it.

• Stop seeking approval. When you move through the world like you know you’re THAT one, others will see it too.

When you embrace your true self, flaws and all, you become more beautiful and magnetic than you could ever imagine.

When I started to embrace all the things that I was made to feel ugly and unattractive about, I started walking more confidently, talking more confidently, and began to have a stronger self-concept of who I am. This includes personality traits that are not always welcomed by others—being moody and emotional at times, being reserved and quiet, only outgoing amongst certain people. And others. I accept these as a part of me, and I love them! Start working to do the same.

It’s time to break free from society’s limited definition of beauty. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and the recognition of your unique beauty.

What are some things you’re learning to embrace? What things have you had to work on that you’ve now overcome? What are/were some of your methods? Please feel free to share in the comments below! I’d love to hear your story!